FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.

It’s been 2 days since I officially decided to rescind my book contract with McFarland.  It was a difficult decision, but I know it was the right decision.  I have had many things on my mind recently, and I have a large personal list of reasons for why this was not the time for this project.  As my decision has had time to sink in, I realized one very important thing: if I published this project with McFarland, it would not have been the project I wanted.

This all started with my 40,000 word Master’s Thesis on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. McFarland loved the idea, but wanted 80,000 words.  I was a bit stunned.  Double the length?  I knew I had already said what I wanted to say on Buffy; I couldn’t stretch it.  They wanted to know how I could add more.  Well, I’d always thought of tackling Angel…  I proposed that, and they liked it… Now that I’ve stepped away from the project, I realize that forcing the Angel portion wasn’t going to work. It didn’t seemlessly fit with with the Buffy portion.  McFarland would have had their 80,000, but it wouldn’t have been the project I have always been in love with.  What I want to publish is plain and simple, about Buffy, and it’s The Hero’s Journey Revamped in Buffy.  Not in Angel.  Because Angel is another game.  It’s not the hero’s journey, at least not Campbell’s hero (which is the approach I took with Buffy).  Angel is a hero, as is the rest of Angel Investigations, but it’s a Greek tragedy – he is the essential tragic hero, the ultimate modern Oedipus.  And I’m not as well-versed in Greek tragedy as I need to be for that analysis – and I wouldn’t be well-versed enough in the time of my 18 month contract.  This is years of research.

I sat down to write this blog post to share how happy I am with my decision.  And, I want to say that I do have the intention of publishing this project – the way I want to publish, through a publisher who will take my 40,000 words.  I also want to send out a big huge thank you to all of my friends, family, and “fans.”  Everyone has been so incredibly supportive of me every step of the way.

There’s one thing I learned some time ago from Campbell that has impacted my life and informs my every decision.  You’ve heard me quote it here many times, even in my last post, but it is worthy of repeating.

My bliss sometimes changed, but each day I do my best to be honest and true to myself and follow my bliss, wherever it leads me.  So far it’s led me to an MA in English, a teaching career, and an incredible husband.  I’m not saying this to brag; I just want people to see the power of listening to their heart and following their bliss.  I hope you find yours, and follow it with all of your being.

Readers and fellow bloggers,
Thank you for being a part of the journey I have been on. In this time in the underworld, I have gained a clearer understanding of the things I want to focus on, namely my health, career, and family. To focus on those things, I’ve realized this is not the time to write my book.
As I embark on other journeys, I leave you all with the beautiful piece of wisdom from Joseph Campbell, which has aided me in all my decisions:
FOLLOW YOUR BLISS

ALL I can think about is last night’s season premiere of LOST.  And that seems to be one of the number one things on everyone’s mind today, or so it would seem by all the tweets, news articles, and FaceBook status updates I’ve perused this fine morning.  I just want to say WOW.  Team Darlton has done it again!  Before hubby and I sat down to watch it last night, I told him I haven’t even tried figuring out what happened after Juliet set off the bomb last season… I told him that no matter what I could think up, Damon and Carlton would already 500 steps ahead of us.  And, it’s true!  Just when you think they’ve pulled out all their tricks and they can’t get any more awesome, they impress us again!

SPOILERS BELOW

Here’s some of my first thoughts from last night’s episode:

I love this idea of the parallel realities.  I’m so excited about all the possibilities at hand!  I was also fascinated and intrigued when I read this in today’s Darlton Q&A: “the idea of continuing to do paradoxical storytelling is not what we’re interested in this year.”  I’m so curious how it’s all going to mesh….

Seeing Ben scared is rather scary.

The man/thing/smoke monster wearing John Locke’s face…. Wow.  And, Terry O’Quinn was amazing as someone damn scary.

So, the last time smoke monster/fake Locke saw Richard he was in chains?  Hmph!  Still, though, I’m dying to know: why doesn’t the man age?!?!?

Even though they haven’t found each other yet, I’m SO glad that Sun & Jin are at least in the same time and place!!!  But, sideways-Jin?  Ick.  I didn’t like his personality when they originally took the flight.

Watching Sawyer lose Juliet, find her, and lose her again was one of the most heartbreaking moments.

I felt like sideways-Boone was more suave and confident on the than he used to be… is this a difference in non-island Boone, or have I simply been compelled by Damon (his brilliant bad-boy vampire character on The Vampire Diaries)?

It was sad to see sideways-Charlie want to die so badly on the sideways-plane.

Sideways-Jack’s line to Sideways-Locke gave me chills: “Nothing’s irreversible.”

Well, that’s all the time I’ve got for writing today.  I have a million more thoughts buzzing around, but I don’t think I could even trap them all in words yet… I would also love to hear all your thoughts!!

I’m sure if you’re a LOST fan, you’re already familiar with Doc Jensen and Nikki Stafford, but just in case you’re not, I linked their names to their great must-read reviews.

It was a great week in TV, and I got to enjoy most of it through my new AT&T U-verse. It’s worth mentioning that I’m getting better HD quality than I did with Charter cable, not to mention a faster internet speed.

Monday night highlight: Life Unexpected.

The CW has brought us a great new series.  This was just the second episode.  The pilot was stellar.  There’s rich character development and it has a never-been-done-before plot.  I’d qualify it as a rich and quirky dramadie.  It’s worth tuning in!  I was very hesitant to watch it – simply because I already record too many shows – but I was really glad I was convinced too.

Tuesday night highlight: Scrubs.  Okay, so this isn’t a must-watch.  But, as I explained in my Scrubs 2.0 post, the series was too near and dear to my heart to abandon it’s continuation.  JD has left us now, but I’ve fallen in love with the new cast members, and, of course, I’m still captivated by Dr. Cox.  I didn’t fine Lucy very compelling in the pilot, but now I adore her.  Even though Cole still hasn’t really been put in his place, through Lucy, I’ve been able to find some redeeming qualities in him.  The relationship between Denise and Cole is well-played, and he’s quickly becoming my favorite character.  The show will be off air for a few weeks.  I don’t think it’s being terribly well received, and I doubt there will be a season 10.

Thursday night highlight: Vampire Diaries. 

And that’s a pretty big statement for me to make, considering it airs back-to-back with Supernatural.  Supernatural will always be in my top-5-TV-shows ever, but this week Vampire Diaries had more of a punch to it.  Supernatural was a good episode, but not nearly as stunning as last week’s trip to the mental hospital in “Sam, Interrupted.”  Vampire Diaries has had me hooked from the first episode.  I just love teenage dramas, and when vampires are involved, apparently, it’s even more fun!  I love hating Damon, and I love loving Stefan.  The brothers are quite the pair.  And, to top it all off, Elena is no damsel in distress.  How wondrous.  She summed up my thoughts perfectly this week when she exclaimed, “It felt good to fight back.”  And she did put up a good fight.  When I finish working on my book, I’m going to indulge in reading the series this show is based on.

Friday night highlight: Dollhouse. The series finale was EPIC.

SPOILERS BELOW

I knew someone would die, of course… but I didn’t know who… and I really didn’t see it coming when Paul took that perfect shot in the head and dropped; I gasped.  I was in too much shock to even cry yet.  I was glad we later had time to mourn him in the dynamic scene where Echo breaks down.  (I wish I’d had a moment to cry when we lost Anya in Buffy and more time to mourn Cordy in Angel).   Of course, I never want to see the character’s I love die, but Joss manages battles and the realistic loss that occurs so well.  I must praise him profusely for bringing honesty and realism into our television sets.
All in all, I think it was the best way for the series to end.  I do wish that FOX didn’t mess things up – first by making Joss start the series out episodically, then failing to air “Epitaph 1,” and finally, of course, by canceling it.  Think of all the wonderful things we could have seen in Joss’s 5-year-planned-arc: the development of the tech-heads; the deterioration between Victor and Sierra, I mean, erm, Anthony and Pria; the growing bond between Topher and Adelle; and, the most fascinating – Alpha’s transformation.  Because of my love of Alan Tudyk, I was extremely delighted to see him on the good side at the end of things.
My final thought: I absolutely love Topher Brink.  That’s the simplest way to say it.  Seeing his transformation since season 1 has been beautiful, and, of course, tragic.  His Doyle-like sacrifice was incredibly powerful and moving.  So too was Adelle’s motherly affection for him.
I can’t wait to see what Joss’s next project is.

I definitely know that all the success I’ve had to date has come from simply knowing I can do something.  It hasn’t always been easy, but once I set my mind something that’s the end of the story.  The older I get though, I seem to get more distracted from my goals or just take on too many goals at once.  Lately, I’ve been working to keep myself focused.  One way I do this is by reading the TinyBuddha blog every day.  Every blog is inspirational, and this is no exaggeration.  I’ve been sending different blog posts from TinyBuddha to a friend of mine, and yesterday she sent me this video of Will Smith.  I am so profoundly moved by it, I want to share it with everyone possible.  He has an amazing spirit, incredible energy, and a wonderful mindset.  Set aside ten minutes today to watch this video.  Thanks for sending it, Karen!

Yes, I can’t believe it. It’s true. I love grammar. That’s not surprising to any of you, because you know I teach English composition. But, before I became a teacher, before I even knew I was going to become a teacher… I. Loathed. Grammar. I never had to think about grammar. I just had this innate ability to write proper sentences. I never struggled with writing. When I was in my master’s program for English, I was rather disappointed when I had to take a grammar class. Graduate level grammar? Zzzzz…. Well, I didn’t actually sleep in that class… In all honesty, I dedicated most of my class time to my laptop where I was peer-editing my friend’s thesis on the wise old man figure in pop culture and literature. It was far more engaging to me than anything in the course. (Looking back I never even gave the class a chance. Shameful!)   I scoffed and hemmed and hawed my way through the semester, and magically got an A. And I didn’t plan on ever thinking about grammar again.
Then I became a teacher, of composition no less! The light came on. Of course, I always thought it was important to write well. I just didn’t care to think about the rules of writing well. I just did it. But, then, suddenly, I had students who couldn’t just do it. They needed rules and explanations, and I needed to provide them with it. Looking at grammar from this new perspective, I woke up. It become something fun and exciting… I started buying grammar books like they were going out of style. I couldn’t get enough of it. The better I understood, the better my students understood, and everyone’s writing started to improve. Even mine!

Today’s post was inspired by Anne Curzan’s article “Says Who? Teaching and Questioning the Rules of Grammar” (published in PMLA May 2009, Vol. 124, #3).  It amused that when I saw a grammar article in the table of contents, I had to go to it immediately.  Such a change from 4 years ago!

Here’s my favorite quote from the article:

“When it comes to language, the stakes are high.  Language, as J.L. Austin reminds us, is how we do things.  Language creates and maintains our communities.  Through language, we assert our identities.  And we judge others on language.”

Curzan discusses problems with accepting all grammatical rules point blank without questioning them or looking at who’s telling us these are the “rules.”  After all, language is all developing, growing and changing.  Her proposal is that, “Teachers need to educate themselves about the fundamentals of language and open up genuine conversation in their classes about prescriptive usage rules and grammar more generally.”  Here, here.  In depth discussions on grammar.  I like it!

Any other grammar nerds out there?

I would like to recommend Grammar Girl, if you’re not familiar with her books or podcast already.  Her tips are “quick and dirty,” but she takes the time to really explain the rules and often explores their history and changes.  Brilliant and humorous!

If you’re a grammar teacher/nerd, you’re surely familiar with Eats, Shoots & Leaves.  But, did you know there’s a parody?  Yes, a grammar parody!!  It’s brilliant.  I deeply appreciate the humor of Eats, Shites & Leaves.

My latest fun Grammar find comes from Sparknotes.  I was delighted to find this set of study cards during one of my latest strolls through Barnes & Noble.

What are your grammar recommendations?

I fell in love with Avatar in minutes. Obviously, the riveting IMAX 3D was the first thing to capture my unblinking attention, and Pandora soon had me swooning, but it was the Na’vi and the underlying statement in the film that truly captured my heart. I believe it was akin to the messages we’ve recently seen in Wall-E and District 9 – save the planet, be humane.

Of course, with any great film comes great controversy. I can understand where the films opponents are coming from, but I don’t agree. I see good messages in this film. Messages about understanding and virtue, about nature and preservation and perseverance.
I don’t think the film is racist. I agree with James Cameron’s statement: the movie “asks us to open our eyes and truly see others, respecting them even though they are different, in the hope that we may find a way to prevent conflict and live more harmoniously on this world. I hardly think that is a racist message.” And, to be perfectly honest, if you want to really look at race in this film, the white American’s are the bad guys! It’s not insulting to anyone else.
I don’t think the film is anti-military. If you look closely, the military isn’t responsible for the attempted destruction of the peaceful Na’vi – a Corporation is. That’s a far different beast, and one we should be wary of.
As far as spirituality, I think this film presents a beautiful image of it. The Na’vi worship nature – something beautiful and pure that we currently need to fight for. If you worship any divinity or multiple divinities, isn’t that the Creator of Nature? The Na’vi maintain a reverence for nature, a system of peace, and respect for all life… isn’t that present in all religious and spiritual systems? I think the connection the Na’vi have with each other, with other creatures, and with their moon is inspirational.
I hope I don’t sound hostile or antagonistic. I would like to say I do believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I don’t mind if you don’t agree with mine. My response stems from the fact that I was so moved by the film that I’m surprised by the controversy surrounding it.

SPOILERS BELOW

My overview of the actors and their roles:
Despite the fact the Selfridge was a bad person, Giovanni Ribisi played him well.
I came to fall in love with Sigourney Weaver’s Dr. Grace by the end of the film and, especially after seeing her on the Wonder Women panel at Comic Con, I enjoyed seeing her in another strong role.
I have never been a fan of Michelle Rodriguez (despite my adoration of both S.W.A.T. and LOST), but I found myself happy to root for Trudy!
Sam Worthington made it easy to fall in love with Jake Sully. He’s a great lead.
Zoe Saldana was beautiful and strong as Neytiri. And what a great twist that in this film the girl saves the guy!

My general response to the story:
It may have been relatively predictable, but that rarely stops me from enjoying a film. As I said in my previous
post, I like warm and fuzzy endings. I’m sure I’d get bored if everything I watched and read had a predictable, happy ending, but since life doesn’t give us that predictability, I’m happy to take it in fictitious forms. Besides, I was still sitting on the edge of my seat throughout most of the film!
I enjoyed learning about the Na’vi with Jake and experiencing the beauty of Pandora. I also delighted in his transformation from paraplegic to warrior.
I rooted with Jake and his small team of “rebels” when they fled back into the heart of Pandora to protect this beautiful race and their moon.
My heart shattered during the battle scenes as parts of Pandora were destroyed.
My heart ached for Neytiri to understand Jake after she felt betrayed by him.
I was sad to see Grace die, but happy that she passed with such peace.
I gripped my seat when Jake couldn’t reach his oxygen mask, terrified that Neytiri might not actually make it to him in time. I, of course, rejoiced when she did.

I left the theatre feeling awed, moved, and somehow peaceful.

After the film, I was at the grocery store and picked up Entertainment Weekly. I’m feeling rather shaky about the confirmed sequel. It was a beautiful story, and I’m happy to see Neytiri and Jake walk off into the sunset, so to speak. Pandora was saved. Should we really go back to it? What more is there to tell? I fear that a sequel will just be a failed attempt at storytelling in the name of money, much like the forced Matrix trilogy. But, I’m hoping that James Cameron will prove me wrong, and I’ll definitely give him the chance to.

I finally finished the Twilight series last night.  I had plowed through the first 3 books in a meager 4 days during summer, and then set aside Breaking Dawn for Christmas break.

Basically, I think Twilight is oodles of fun.  The next Shakespeare or Whedon?  Certainly not.  I’m wouldn’t classify it as great, epic literature, just like I wouldn’t classify The Secret Life of the American Teenager as great, life-changing television.  But, both are loads o’ fun.

Why do I think Twilight is fun?  Well, if it wasn’t apparent in the mentioning of Secret Life above, I will tell you I’m a sucker for teen romance and drama (I also watch ABC Family’s 10 Things I Hate About You).  Always have been.  I can’t get enough of it.  It amuses me.  I enjoy looking back on my teen years and reading/watching other stories about that highly-emotional time in life.  The 16-year-old in me is very close to the surface.  So, I connected to Bella’s character immediately.

I’ve had some friends that can’t believe I enjoy the book.  What about the way Bella thinks about nothing but Edward?  What about the way Edward sometimes treats Bella?  I’ll say this: I don’t always agree with what they do, and I certainly don’t think they should be role models for love (but neither should Eric & Ariel from The Little Mermaid).  (I also don’t think pre-teens or young teens should read the books).  Edward & Bella are both immature at times, and that’s part of being 16/17.  Edward may be immortal, but as I’ve said in this blog before, I can very easily buy that if someone is turned into a vampire as a teen, they may stay a bit stuck in the state.  If you aren’t forced to mature and take on the normal human roles we’ve assigned ourselves for each age bracket, I actually think it may even take longer to mature.

I find it amusing that everyone has such strong feelings about Twilight.  It’s all-love or all-hate.  I fall into the all-love; my hubby falls into the all-hate.  I don’t care if other people don’t like it, though. To each their own.  It’s just a book, afterall.  (Did million Twilight fans just GASP: Just a book?!? )

I’m not really interested in going toe-to-toe with haters and arguing for Twilight or really debating it that much.  But, I have no shame in saying I liked it and I will undoubtedly re-read the series someday.

SPOILERS BELOW

As I started Breaking Dawn, I got a bit frustrated.  First, I really didn’t like the way Edward was treating Bella during their honeymoon (seeing her beg for sex was painful).  Secondly, when the narrative switched to Jacob’s perspective, I was aghast.  After 1,000 pages, how could I accept a different narrator (even if it was one of my favorite characters)?  After the first Jacob chapter, I set the book aside for a few days.  But, when I went back in, I couldn’t stop!!  Once Jacob went to the Cullen’s, I saw how it was really a necessity to hear his perspective.  Bella was too incapacitated to continue her narrative role, and so much of the action was outside of her experience (even though it was still about her).  I enjoyed the rest of the Jacob section, but was also quite pleased to get Bella’s perspective back in the third section.  I really enjoyed seeing her transformation to vampire.  And, I enjoyed the changes in her after that.  Her insecurity was starting to melt and I saw her really coming into her own.  I love her relationship with Renesme and thought Meyer did a great job at expressing the bond between mother and child.  The fact that Jacob imprinted on Renesme made me scrunch my nose at first, but it felt less awkward as it moved on.  Having the wolves unite with the vampires for the big battle was cool to see.  I was broken hearted when Alice left, and then equally thrilled when she made her triumphant return.  The final “battle” was quite intense.  I’ve heard people complain about 70 pages of build up without any payoff, but the fact that they don’t fight made plenty of sense to me.  Also, it’s not like the Volturi didn’t try ; Bella was amazing in being able to protect her family from the Volturi’s supernatural powers.  So, while it wasn’t a battle in the strictest sense of fighting, I sure think Bella and Jane were having quite the battle.  I think it’s interesting to see the two largest and strongest groups of vampires face off and not resort to violence.  It was a battle of the minds, and the best side won.  Also, I didn’t mind having the happy ending.  Was it realistic?  Well, no.  But, so what?  It gave me warm, fuzzy feelings.  And, I like warm, fuzzy feelings.

Vanity Fair made a big mistake in this article. Felicia Day expressed her disappointment on Facebook this evening. GeekWeek and GeekGirl have made powerful statements against the article as well. Day posed for the photo to accompany a suave article looking at positive, independent women moving into the tech-age with Twitter… but the article was not flattering and not what Day expected. It’s a disgrace to these women and rather condescending. I don’t have anything new to really add to the comments of Day, GeekWeek, and GeekGirl, but I just wanted to speak up against Vanity Fair in some small way and make others aware that Day does not support this article!

BUFFY: I’m starting to think this working hard is hard work.
WILLOW: Isn’t it crazy like that?
BUFFY: I thought it was gonna be like in the movies. You know, inspirational music, a montage, me sharpening my pencils, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, ’cause in my montage I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it’s starting to hurt my occipital lobe.

Buffy says it all here!  Working hard in real life is much slower than in the movies.  I have my own montage too where I’m surrounded by books, madly taking notes, jotting down brilliant ideas, sipping coffee (which I don’t even drink), and being whimsically brilliant.  But, it’s not really like that.  And that’s okay.  It makes all the hard work worth it in the end!

I’m in full-work mode, and right now the work is pretty simple: rewatching Buffy episodes!  I’m in season five right now (as the above quote demonstrates) and loving it.  As I continue on with the DVD’s, I’ll be editing the first section of my book on Buffy and the Campbellian hero.  When I finish the Buffy rewatch, I’m hitting full crazy-reading-research mode (for the second half of my book on Angel and the tragic hero).  I’ve done the research… as in I found the sources…  now I have to read them.  And then when I have all that brand spankin’ new knowledge rattling around in my head, I’ll start my Angel rewatch.  And, in between all that I’ll be taking copious notes (sans montage) and dreaming of slaying vampires (that really happened last week; the dream part, not note-taking; I was on vacation!)

It’s hard to regain focus after a vacation, but I’m ready for the challenge.

I welcome all Whedonists to the new 2010 and hope everyone enjoyed the holidays!

I also invite ya’ll to check out the new website for my book and the new Facebook page for my book.  I’ve already connected with a lot of fun people.  I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but the Whedon community is so friendly!  I’m happy to be a part of it.